I am a mama to three beautiful babes. I am a wife to an incredibly wonderful man. I have every reason to love my life. And I do. But there's one thing that I have always secretly despised about my life/myself...my weight.
I have never talked about my weight. It took over a year of marriage to open up to my husband about my insecurities. I know several people who constantly complain about their weight. My thought has always been, "then why are you drawing attention to it?" I don't even join in to commiserate. I just like to pretend I'm not there.
I have been overweight my entire life. I started noticing it when I was in 4th grade. I have been self conscious ever since. Apparently, I hide it well. I have been told by several friends and family members that I am a confident person. Huh? I guess I'm glad that I come across that way but let me assure you, I am FAAAAAAARRRRRRR from confident.
After I had my second baby two years ago (two years this week, actually) I started going to the gym a lot. It was an escape. I loved it and I especially loved that it was within a mile of our home. I was starting to feel better about myself. Then we moved. The process of moving was distracting enough and I got out of the habit. I told myself that I would start going again once we were moved in. Well, by then my baby was almost 5 months old and she started becoming more attached to me and she would scream when I left. While my wonderful DH was willing to take our screaming baby to give me a break, it was hard for me to knowingly cause him and my children so much stress. So I pretty much stopped going to the gym. Right about the time my baby was cooperating with me leaving, I found out I was pregnant with baby #3. Let's face it, pregnancy is just an easy out if you're looking for one.
I am a pro at putting myself on the back burner. Baby #3 is now 4 months old. And that old saying of 3 kids being the hardest adjustment has certainly been true for me. It took 3-4 months to finally feel like I was getting into the swing of life again. And he's a needy baby. He is exclusively breast fed and refuses a bottle. I am pretty much tethered to him. And that is overwhelming. Add to that a spunky little girl who has just hit the terrible twos.
THIS MAMA NEEDS A TIME OUT!
In the past, time outs have included shopping, going to get a treat (did you know that those $1 Arby's chocolate turnovers are 520 calories!?) basically, nothing that is beneficial to me. So to kill two birds with one stone, I decided that my "time outs" will be exercise. I have always had a strong desire to get healthy. And by healthy, I used to mean skinny. But the older I get, the more I just want "healthy."
I'm good at starting something, but not continuing. My hope is that having an outlet, this blog, to update and "be accountable to" (even though I don't intend on sharing this web address with anyone) will give me some motivation.
I just finished my first "Couch to 5K" walk/run. It was hard. My shins hurt and the strong headwind felt horrible in my lungs. But I feel accomplished.
We all know that diets don't work. You have to change your lifestyle. I am trying to ease myself into a healthier lifestyle. My biggest crutch: SODA. I'm not going to cut it out all together (yet), but I am going to limit myself. And I'm not limiting myself to a certain amount, rather, I'm going to have a cut-off time. In hopes of better sleep for myself and my breastfed baby, I have decided on no soda/caffeine after dinner (usually 5:00.) I'm the "meat and potatoes" type. But after watching a documentary last year where they suggested adding veggies rather than cutting out foods you like, we tried it. We found that we didn't crave unhealthy foods as much, just like this documentary said would happen. I am also trying to be more aware of what I eat. I recently started following someone on instagram that I find to be extremely motivating. http://www.livylove.com She reminds me of me. I hope I can make find it in myself to make the changes in my life so that I can be okay with who I am.
